People who work together are like extended families; when a person dies, friends and co-workers grieve. When the death is unexpected, it can be particularly traumatic.
The grieving process
People do not heal on a timetable, but the emotions ease over time. The brief time given to attend the funeral only touches the beginning stages of grief. Experts describe the feelings, symptoms, and outcomes of grief in various ways. They may include:
Shock
Denial
Anger
Guilt
Anxiety
Sleep disorders
Exhaustion
Overwhelming sadness
Difficulty concentrating
Most of the time, a person feels several of these emotions at the same time, though perhaps to different degrees. The extent, depth and duration of the process will also depend on how close people were to the deceased, their circumstances and their own situation. Some outcomes of grief may include finding a new balance (which does not necessarily mean that things will be the same) and growth (readiness to move ahead with one's life).
Take time to grieve
You and your co-workers will need time to grieve. Some things to do:
Create a memorial board. A photo, card or special item the person kept on their desk can be a way to remember.
Hold or participate in a fundraiser for a special cause or for the family of the deceased.
Create a book of memories to give to the family. Many people are not aware of the work accomplishments of the people they love. These will be unique memories for the family and a way for you to express feelings and memories privately.
Conduct a workplace-only event. A luncheon or office-only memorial allows co-workers to acknowledge their unique relationship with the deceased.
Attend the funeral or memorial service.
People experience grief differently. You or a co-worker who was particularly close to a person who died may feel depressed, absentminded, short-tempered or exhausted. These are all normal feelings. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve a loss.
Creating healthy memories is part of healing. Some people find talking about the deceased helps them manage their grief. Others keep to themselves. Respect the fact that others may feel the loss more or less strongly than you or cope differently. Death also generates questions and fears about our own mortality. If a co-worker dies, you may feel guilty or angry at the person, life or the medical profession. It may cause you to question your own life. These are normal emotions.
Be aware of how you react to a deceased co-worker's replacement. Your anger or disappointment at their performance, personality or work style may be less a function of the individual than your grief about the person they are replacing.
Get help if you have trouble coping with your co-worker's loss or your work suffers. A decrease in performance could signal that this loss affects you more profoundly than you thought.
