After a death in the family, the time comes when grieving family members begin to re-enter the routines of everyday life. Out-of-town relatives return home. Children go back to school and grieving adults must return to work. For some, returning to work is a welcome change. It is a part of their life that did not include their loved one, and it can create a break from what has been an ever-present grief. The office may be the only part of life that seems regular and routine.
But for many who have experienced a recent loss, returning to work can be difficult. If you are grieving, you may be dreading the thought of returning to the workplace for several reasons:
Seeing co-workers for the first time exposes you to “I’m so sorry” comments, and they remind you of your loss. As difficult as these expressions of sympathy may be to hear, they are better than no acknowledgment. A simple “thank you” is all the necessary response. You do not owe anyone a story you do not wish to share.
You may have a high-pressure job with many deadlines and little room for mistakes. You have probably noticed that it is hard to concentrate and retain information in your grief. You may be easily distracted and errors can occur. Checking everything twice or asking a co-worker or supervisor to review your work is helpful. Let your co-workers or supervisor know how difficult things seem and where you need their help.
You may worry about breaking down in front of colleagues or in the middle of an important meeting. While this may happen because grief is so unpredictable, save yourself the embarrassment by briefly letting people know what has occurred in your life. If you need to excuse yourself, do so.
Before returning to work, try some of the following suggestions:
Be sure your workplace knows what happened. Give them as much information as you are comfortable sharing. Sometimes, the circumstances around a death are very personal; if people ask too many questions, let them know you are uncomfortable going into detail. Allow one key person (such as a supervisor) to have enough information to keep speculation minimal. Tell them about funeral arrangements, time away from work and how you are doing.
Let your office know you want to be included in regular email correspondence so you can stay updated on what is happening even if you are unable to be at the office.
You might arrange to meet co-workers for lunch before returning to work. Doing so may help you get past the first encounters and “I’m so sorry” comments when you are trying to focus on work. It can make it easier to return at a later date.
If possible, consider returning for half-days for a week or so, easing your way back into the regular routine.
Encourage co-workers to learn more about grief so they can better understand what you are going through. Let them know what is helpful to you when you are having a particularly hard day: hugging you, allowing you to have some alone time, fixing a cup of coffee or going for a short walk. The more they know what they can do for you, the more comfortable they will be with your tears and the more comfortable you will be in their presence.
Keep good communication going. Meet regularly with your supervisor, colleagues or employees to discuss what is happening. Ask for feedback. Good, clear communication will discourage idle and unhelpful chatter.
It is important to tell your story. But be careful not to share your feelings too much or too often. You may be overdoing it if you notice people getting bored, looking at their watch or changing the subject. Ask a trusted co-worker if you are talking too much. However, the need to talk to help yourself heal is genuine; setting up an appointment with your company’s Employee Assistance Professional (EAP), contacting your local hospice or joining a support group can give you an appropriate place to say what you need to say.
You may need help with specific projects or deadlines. Remember to thank those who help you. Small rewards, such as coffee break snacks, flowers, public thanks at a meeting or an appreciative email, are often appreciated.
Thinking ahead will make your return to work more manageable and less painful. Healing from the death of a loved one is a long, slow process, but getting back into a routine is an essential step in the journey.
Source: American Hospice Foundation
