Grief is the typical response of sorrow, heartache and confusion from losing someone or something important to you. Grief can also be a common human response after a disaster or other traumatic event.
What is grief?
Grief is a part of life. It is a strong, sometimes overwhelming reaction to death, divorce, job loss, a move, or loss of health due to illness. It can also occur after disasters or other traumatic events. If you are experiencing grief, you may feel empty and numb or unable to feel joy or sadness. You may also feel angry. You may experience physical reactions, including the following:
Trembling or shakiness
Muscle weakness
Nausea and trouble eating
Trouble sleeping or difficulty breathing
Dry mouth
While grieving, you may have nightmares, withdraw socially, and not want to participate in your usual activities.
Eventually, you may also notice positive changes in yourself from your experience of loss, such as the following:
Becoming more understanding and tolerant
Having increased appreciation for relationships and loved ones
Feeling grateful for the presence of those in your community who are loving and caring
Experiencing enhanced spiritual connection
Becoming more socially active
Getting involved in advocacy to help people who have experienced similar losses
How long does grief usually last?
Grief is different for every person and every loss. The manner of the death or loss and your personal circumstances can affect how long you experience grief.
If you are experiencing grief now, imagining an end to your pain may be difficult. Even though your life may not be the same as it was before, the grief will eventually ease, and the grieving process will allow you to accept the loss and move forward with your life.
Coping with grief
You can take steps to help yourself cope with grief. Talking to others who understand and respect how you feel–family members, faith leaders, people you trust–is a helpful way to cope with your grief. Recognize that although you might still have these feelings over a long period, they will likely be less intense over time. Try to take care of yourself physically by exercising, eating healthy meals and getting enough sleep. Allow yourself to feel joy and sadness and cry when needed.
Going through the grieving process and healing from loss does not mean forgetting about loved ones who have died. You may still feel deeply connected to the person you have lost, but you can also imagine a life without them. You will start to be reengaged in daily life and reconnect to others. When moving out of grief, you may begin to experience the following:
Feeling the pain of your loss without resisting or avoiding it
Adjusting to a new reality in which your loved one is no longer present
Forming new relationships
If you are not experiencing these changes and adjustments after many months, and you feel “stuck” in your deep and overwhelming feelings of loss, then you may be experiencing what is known as complicated or traumatic grief.
What is complicated or traumatic grief?
After a disaster or other traumatic event, many factors can disrupt the regular grieving process, raising the risk of complicated or traumatic grief. Whether a disaster is natural or human-caused, grief at the loss of loved ones may be compounded by sorrow and anger at the loss of home and possessions and fear or anxiety about losing a sense of safety and security in the community. In some cases, meeting immediate physical needs after a disaster may take priority over grieving the loss of life, which can delay, prolong, or complicate the regular grieving process.
Complicated or traumatic grief is grief that does not end and does not help you make progress toward getting back to your usual activities and routine. For most people, intense grief will lessen gradually over time, beginning to ease within six months of the loss. But if you’re experiencing complicated or traumatic grief, you may not feel any grief reduction over many months or even years. Your sadness, anger and loneliness may become more intense over time.
These are some of the symptoms of complicated or traumatic grief:
Feeling deeply angry about the death or loss
Being unable to think about anything but your loved one
Not wanting any reminders of your loved one at all
Having nightmares or intrusive thoughts
Feeling deep loneliness and longing for the person you lost
Feeling distrustful of others
Feeling unable to maintain regular activities or fulfill responsibilities
Feeling bitterness about life and envying others not affected by grief
Being unable to enjoy life or remember happy times with your loved one
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you may need to seek help in order to move forward and begin the healing process.
Source: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
